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DISCUSSFairway to Heaven
05/15/2008By Christopher Coffman
Buy a Golfer's Bible and get three top quality Christian Evangaballs absolutely free!
The Golfer’s Bible
Edited by Rod Parsley
It’s just too easy these days to forget how many golf references are woven into the narrative of scripture. You can almost drive right past them if you’re not looking.
Thankfully, renowned televangelist Rod Parsley has handed the Christian community a hole-in-one with his new Golfer's Bible. Rod's new take on scripture has helped many believers put a little purpose back into their putters.
Nothing will help you tee off with confidence more than Pastor Parsley's commentary on apocalyptic literature.
Have you ever counted how many times the word "fore" appears in the Bible? After reading this Parsley translation for a few weeks, you’ll marvel when you run into verses like this:
"ThereFORE the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels." (1 Corinthians 11:10)
Verses like this help us understand the Great Commission in light of the greatest game ever played in polyester jumpsuits. Why "run the race" when you can "walk the course"?
Only $39.99 per copy!
Evangaballs
From Rod Parsley Productions, Inc.
Why wrestle with "double-bogey-boredom" in your morning devotions when you can sink an "eagle" every day?
Have you ever dreamed of taking the gospel out of the "clubhouse" and onto the "tee-box"? Aren’t you tired of having your prayer life in the rough? What if there was a practical way to bring a little salvation to someone caught in the sand trap of life?
Look no further than your local Christian pro shop. For a limited time, each bunker-busting Golfer's Bible purchased comes with a sleeve of three top quality Christian Evangaballs!
Evangaballs help golfers bridge the gap between the purpose-driven life and the putting green.
Each ball is neatly inscribed with a relevant passage of scripture from the New Testament (Torah Tees must be purchased separately at this time from RodandStaff.com).
Handcrafted underwater, with patented state of the art "Wheel Inside a Wheel" technology, Evangaballs are guaranteed to out-proselytize any ball on the market.
Imagine walking into a bunker and finding a ball with this message from Matthew 18:14…
"… your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost. "
Think of it … every time you lose a ball, you help save a weary soul in the Master's Tournament.
A sloppy swing or two may even send a message of grace soaring into someone’s swimming pool.
What are you waiting for? GO FORE GOD!
Only $45.99 for a box of three
I love Golf, but this is just stupid.
Is this satire?
Satire? I think not! I used Jesus' balls and got a hole in one off the third tee at Walking Stick in Pueblo, Colorado! Praise Jesus!
If I buy the balls AND the bible, will I stop cussing every time I yank one in the woods? (my golf ball that is-I can sense a really inappropriate BJ reply to that last phrase)
gives 'taking a walk in the woods' a whole new meaning, huh?
how do you yank a golf ball? I thought it would be the shaft...
If you're skilled at all, your mistake will be a "slice" or a "hook" into the woods. When you're really lame like me, you're mistakes go really deep into the woods.
You could yank the shaft, but perhaps only in this instance, it would be less satisfying.
You guys are dirty.
I had to get at it before you could. ;)
Usually when I yank one in the woods it's because there is to much flex in my shaft. It's much easier to stroke the balls when you use a stiff shaft. I think 2 Samuel 21:19 gives us some guidance here, "In another battle with the Philistines at Gob, Elhanan son of Jaare-Oregim the Bethlehemite killed Goliath the Gittite, who had a spear with a shaft like a weaver's rod." I've never thought about having a shaft like a weaver's rod, but it must be something we should all hope for. Thank goodness we have a Bible that will bring these things to our attention to improve our strokes.
Taking tension out of my grip usually helps with soreness later. I wonder what dimple pattern Rod has on his balls. Isn't it fitting that a guy named Rod is putting this out.
Remember: "in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your drives straight" Selah
If you were to actually get saved and filled with the powerful dynamic power of the Holy Spirit, you might stop cussing altogether.
My father never used "cuss" words again after he had that experience. His folks said that he could not say two words without one of them being a curse word.
Joe-Allen, I'm sorry, I know my mental capacity is equivalent to that of a over-ripe banana, but are joking with me or being serious?
WTF
I wonder if anyone has the balls to pull off such a scam.
Oh yes Parsley has the balls! Rod is worse than Copeland! I know this is satire but "Raging Rod" would have the nerve to do something like this. Parsley is the typical "WOFer" all hype and and no substance!
Wait a minute...you just pointed out something significant here that I totally missed at first. These balls also come with a "Rod."
*Beavis and Butthead style laugh*
Yeah Josh you really "hooked" into that one! Or is it "sliced?" Any way Rod is the perfect "bogey" man for this golf book!
There is in fact a Holman Christian Standard Translation Golfers Bible on Amazon. Available in British Open Tan (paperback). Not to be confused with The Golfers Bible by Frank Allen, sot of a golf for dummies type book.
Well this one is a Dummies for Christian Golf type book.
This one's guaranteed to be sub-par:
Deuteronomy 5:32
Whether this is just satire or not those balls actually do exist. My friend was telling me about a few that he ran across in a Christian bookstore somewhere out West. I have also seen plenty of Golf daily devotional material at Barnes & Nobles so its not that far off.
deargodhelpusall, they do exist...
Will Rod Parsley bless my balls?
Yes he will Anon, for a nominal fee (offering?) of course!
Blessing balls for a fee; I wonder how high that fee is. I'm pretty sure most people can get a better deal on most street corners.
Oh yeah Josh,Roddy will want at least a thousand $. The street corners are pretty high too,so I don't how good a deal that is either.
Where are the street-corner hookers more than $5-10? Inflation must be pretty bad where you are.
Remember Josh,I'm a former WOFer. We were taught that we deserved the "best!" Although no "WOF" teacher ever told us to hire a hooker.
Thou shalt not shout "get in the hole!" at a tournament, or surely the Lord your God shall curse thee and thy children to the third and fourth generation.
Is there a soccer Bible, or at least a Bible for nice sports?
soccer nice??? I keep hearing about riots over games. or so the rumors go.
This usally happens, but the sport itself is quite nice (well, sometimes there are boring matches)
It may be satire but if these "Lovers of Self and Money" think they could make a $$$$$ off of it, they would. They will T OFF on anybody!!!
Confession Time: I have never played golf.
I have been to a golf clubhouse twice and a driving range once.
The first trip to a clubhouse involved a lunch for a friend running for Senator. The steak was free and so were the drinks.
The second time I went to a golf clubhouse, a friend of mine was treating all the local school board members. Again the steak was free and so were the drinks.
The one trip to a driving range, an Army buddy invited me and he paid for the drinks.
From my view.....golf is a very enjoyable sport....but, it might be hard on the liver and it certainly keeps the bladder clean.
they made me go to the driving range in high school gym. it is a cursed sport straight from the pit of hell and not suitable for the right-brained. the only way I would take it up is if I were forced to sell my soul to some CEO during a business deal to seal a hefty promotion (or buy his company) as the casting couch is no longer popular.
this must be why all sports involve 'scoring' of some type.
Maybe Rod has already lost a ball! Something is not quite right!
Fore! Maybe some reference to golf fore play!
Scripture on your (golf) balls could be handy.If you wanted to cheat by improving the lie of the ball in the rough maybe you read "Be sure that your sins will find you out!" or "Repent and sin no more"
Even double scripture could be tempting...after a very frustrating round and finally on the 18th the ball lands on the edge of the lake beside the green. Frustrated, you pick up the ball and read "Judas hanged himself. Go thou and do likewise."
I heard Rod's real name is Dick Broccoli.
had a friend who's boss' name was Richard Schwartz. for realsies. and yes, he was one to work for.
Come on SRebbe. There's no need for your anti semitic comments.
it was the other Gentiles and one gay Catholic who worked for Dick-Dick (as they called him) -- I never had the pleasure of working for him.
Now we are talking Spaceballs.
I remember reading a book years ago entitled, "Golf and the Spirit" by M. Scott Peck. Ruined the game for me for years. It was only recently that I could join the local club and get serious about it again. A ball and a hole. Put the ball in the hole. That's it.
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